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Headlines: The Snake That Grows When You Stroke It
By Smaktakula Obama’s Regular Polling Of Swing-State Female Voters Indicates Their Growing Excitement About His Stimulus Measure. In which our interests lie in the headlines, but not the stories...
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Headlines: The Real Secret Of Our Success
By Smaktakula He’ll Go Halfsies With You On Gas. But For Your Own Sanity, Avoid The Topic Of Non-Aryan Drivers. In which we comment on the headlines without first reading the articles. *** The Task in...
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Headlines: 09.17.12
By Smaktakula ‘Cause You’ve Already Got The Job, Bro-Ski! As the news articles of the day are so replete with unfamiliar words and challenging concepts, we’re happy simply to comment on the headlines....
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Tardsie’s True-Ass Tales–Take Me Out To The Ballgame
By Tardsie Relax, baseball-haters, the following True-Ass Tales are concerned less with what happens on the field, and more with shenanigans in the stands. Inexplicably, My Wife Wore An Orange Shirt To...
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Headlines 10.16.12
By Smaktakula Look, We Tried, But She Refused To Take It Seriously. She Kept Wanting To Play Charades. In Which We Comment On The Headlines Without Bothering To Read The Articles *** 9 Reasons Why...
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Suck It, Las Vegas!
By Tardsie We Took A Road Trip To Las Vegas! Don’t Worry, My Wife Drove. My wife and I recently got back from Las Vegas, where we saw the Killers in concert on Friday night. It was an awesome,...
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Untruth & Consequences: I’m Tardsie, And I’m An Alcoholic Apparently
By Tardsie The Potential To Be An Asshole Is Always There, But Whiskey Helps You Put It To Best Use. That’s Permanent Marker, By The Way. Part 3 of 4: In which are observed new symptoms to the same...
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Untruth & Consequences: Drug School! (Part I)
By Tardsie Note: This post has been split into two parts to prevent reading fatigue. “Where’d you learn that, Cheech? Drug School?” Trooper Rodney Farva *** Part 4 of 4.5. In which dirty deals are...
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Untruth & Consequences: Drug School! (Part II)
By Tardsie I Have Always Believed Learning To Be A Life-Long Process. Part The Last: In which we finally stop talking for a while. After finishing my class-prep in the parking lot of a McDonald’s, I...
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On Friendship
By Tardsie And A Little Gay If The Ponies Are To Be Believed. I believe that friendship is important. It’s soul-affirming. A bad friendship is like a bad relationship–you’re better off not having it at...
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Headlines: Achtung, Maybe!
By Smaktakula This One Practically Writes Itself, Which Is Good, Because Mocking This Wretch Would Be Like Stealing Lunch Money From A Down Syndrome Kid. In which we champion the twin virtues of...
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Profiles In Dignity III: Wherefore Art Thou, Dignity?
By Smaktakula Four Walls And A Roof Make It A House. Love Makes It A Home. JUST LIKE CHOCOLATE AND PEANUT BUTTER, SAD & FUNNY ARE TWO GREAT TASTES THAT TASTE GREAT TOGETHER! *** Look, We’re Not...
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Headlines: Why Not Miss Saigon?
By Smaktakula Much Like A Tramp-Stamp Which Reads “WHORE,” This Is A Great Example Of Truth In Advertising. In which we comment on the day’s headlines without first bothering to read the articles. ***...
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Headlines: Eat Like A Bird
By Smaktakula No, We’re Not Going To Use This As A Cheap Opportunity To Poke Fun At Nigeria. People Have To Live In That Lightless Hellhole, You Know. In which we comment on the day’s headlines without...
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Headlines: We’re Not Laughing, Ricky
By Smaktakula No Matter How Loudly We Trumpet Our Innocence, The Man’s Always Trying To Bring Us Down. In which we celebrate ignorance by responding the headlines of news articles we have not bothered...
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Headlines: Shaking And Stirred
By Smaktakula We Believe It Is Vitally Important To Treat An Issue With The Same Respect You Would Accord To Any Other Issue. In which we celebrate our awe-inspiring ignorance by commenting on the...
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Headlines: I Was A Caveman’s Love-Puppet
By Smaktakula We Quite Literally Regard It As Something Of A Miracle That The World Is Peopled By So Many Strange And Beautiful Creatures For Us To Poke Fun At. In which we talk a lot of shit. ***...
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Headlines: More News We Don’t Understand
By Smaktakula “HEAD Lines.” Get It? Do You Get It? We’re In A Very Literal Place Right Now. *** Ass-Talking! Ignorance! Intellectual Laziness! In which we respond to real headlines without first...
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